Rainy Day Friends

after all was said and done, 

your resolve was simple

and the girl's was strong.

you couldnt put a pricemark on that depth

where you only got your ankles wet.

her storm had finished its damage, the skies were clear again

with full grace she righted herself and stood again.

with curiosity she searched for you,

but you had run away with the rain.

yes you ran away from the rain.

I wrote this 3 years ago. I forgot about it. This poem is about my struggle with brain abnormalities. I don't like the term mental illness, even if that is what it is medically called. Anyways, I wrote this in regards to a manic episode I had in November of 2012. It was my single most severe manic episode I have ever had. The poem references people, "friends," who left my side because they didn't understand, or they didn't want to understand. It doesn't matter anymore, there is forgiveness in my heart for them.

I am sharing it to bring awareness to "mental illness." It's real and prevalent. There are many who go undiagnosed every year and throughout their lifetime for fear of the stigma of "mental illness." End the stigma. Don't abandon someone because they are "ill." Would you abandon your loved ones if they had been diagnosed with diabetes or arthritis or some other chronic illness? Mental instabilities are chronic illnesses just as much as those other afflictions I mentioned. When bipolar depression (my diagnosis) flares up, the last thing I need is for people to run away from me.

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (New Living Translation)

And as Jesus says in John 15:12-15: "This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay one's life down for one's friends." (New Living Translation)

He Will Quiet Me With His Love

Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Today is Monday. Only one day after Sunday. I am EXHAUSTED. I don't mean physically tired, although I am. I mainly mean I am spiritually worn. How can that be? I just filled my cup yesterday. I went to church. Not because I was trying to follow rules and not because someone told me to. I went because I wanted to go. Spending time in worship and learning from fantastic people is how I WANTED to spend my Sunday morning. My cup was filled up thanks to the Holy Spirit working. How is it that at the end of Monday, only one day later, I feel so drained?

Is it even a question though? Don't I know the answer? I have spent many days of the last month walking closer with the Lord, my God. I have seen my life, my attitude, my personality, my habits, my choices, everything about me change drastically as a result of seeking God first in all things. I have sought good things like peace, wisdom, and joy and I found them in the company of my Savior and Father, praises for that.

Guess who doesn't like this? Scumbag Satan.

Scumbag Satan sees my renewal in Christ as a terrible thing that must be ruined. Great balls of fire, Satan is trying so hard to bring me back down. He puts doubt in my heart, he wears me down, he tries to make me think spending time in God's Holy Bible is not a priority when it is the TOP priority. Satan is sly, though. When his lies get in my head I start to believe I can be satisfied on prayer and worship music alone. This is not to say that those two things aren't good and also important to my faith walk. They are extremely important, valuable tools to me. But God's Word is holier even more than the Christian radio station. God's Word is holier even more than my words of prayer because my words are from my own mouth, but God's Word is His very breath in our lives (2nd Timothy 3:16). I truly find exactly what I need when I read my Bible. The Bible is suitable for all occasions great and small, happy and sad/angry. The Bible speaks to me every time I read it. No matter what is going on in my life, there is something in the Bible that is applicable or related to my junk in the trunk.

When I pray for peace, when I pray for rest, when I pray for energy, when I pray to be renewed in strength because I feel like the events of my mundane days are trying... As I pray all these things, sometimes in the middle of prayer, it is, all of a sudden, like God reaches right into my soul and writes the solution straight across my heart. "Spend time with Me, read about Me, open your Bible, I am with you even when you think I am not, I am with you even when You forget that I am there." There it is... That's my problem. It's not that I don't love my Heavenly Father, but I am also not perfect. I get so caught up in my days that I forget about Him. Then at the end of the day, I feel so exhausted. However, if I had simply taken a few minutes a couple times throughout the day to delight in His presence, how much more nourished might I feel?

It honestly shouldn't surprise me that it only takes one day to feel spiritually hungry again when I acknowledge that sometimes I tend to put God on a shelf. I have Him with me in my quiet times, but is He not with me all the time? He is! He knows all things about me, sees all things about me, and He wants only good for me (Psalm 139:1-18; Jeremiah 29:11). He offers this kind of infinite, unconditional, profound, out-of-this-world love, and I have accepted His offer. Does it not follow that my moments and thoughts should be filled with Him? On the good days, they are. On my good days I truly delight in my Father and my salvation. I delight in Jesus Christ. Those are the good days, and on those good days my head is filled with all the good things He has done for me.

Grace, mercy, justice, redemption, righteousness, joy, peace, comfort, LOVE, basically anything GOOD. These are all gifts that I have in Christ the Lord my Savior from God my Heavenly Father. If I have all that, if I have His promises for my prosperity, and if I am seeking Him in my life.... Why then do I have bad days where I feel this broken down?

Well....

God shows us the way in which we should go if we ask Him (Proverbs 3:5-6). He directs my steps when I seek out His guidance (Proverbs 20:24).  But no one said this path would be easy breezy, and no one said there wouldn't be suffering. In fact, quite the opposite (Just read the Book of Job or reflect on Paul's life in the New Testament). When I live in this world but am not of this world, it stands to reason that I should need to fill my spiritual cup up EVERY. DAY. The enemy (Scumbag Satan) attacks from all sides, and the enemy attacks all things that are good. Spiritual warfare is all around us, and Scumbag Satan uses ANYTHING to drag me not just down, but also away from the Lord (2nd Corinthians 10:3-5). He has picked this time to give me trials because I have suddenly had a spiritual growth spurt. Satan doesn't want that. It means he lost. He DID lose! I sometimes fail to remember that in Christ, I have power over the evil one. I have power over the enemy's lies and machinations. I can make the most of this power by renewing my faith day in and day out. Isaiah 30: 15: "...In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength."

God wins! Love wins! God, love, and God's love will always win.

Man, I feel so much more revived after spending time reflecting on the verses I mentioned, and writing this also helped! Maybe instead of saying "Is it Friday yet?" a better question would be "Have I really looked for God's presence in my life today?"


*drops the mic*
:-P

Isaac!

I must write a post about my sweet little honey bunches of oat, my little oat: Isaac! He is SUCH a joy in my life, and I could share many experiences of my motherhood adventure so far and its only been 7 months! WOW, seven whole months! Where does the time go? Currently my little man is learning to scoot and crawl. He babbles a bit. He recently had to have surgery to put tubes in his ears so I think he can hear better now! I am totallllllllly looking forward to his first Christmas! I'll be sure to take lot of pictures!

Christmas is Coming

We are winding up for Christmas here in the Evans household! I have worked very hard decorating outside our house with many lights, and I have completed the Christmas tree. It is beautiful. I am looking forward to the many things the holidays have to offer: family time, great food, good drink, laughter, memories, bright lights, spicy holly smells and of course the jolly music! I will be attending a Christmas Eve service at my church, Bear Creek Church. This is probably the most important event of my holiday season as it serves as a reminder that I am celebrating the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ. What wonderful news the shepherds heard all those years ago!

My first Post/Remembering Garmo

This is my first post! My name is Calli and I am a mother to a beautiful boy named Isaac. I go to school at Lonestar. I chose the title The whimsies of a Girl as this blog is going to serve as a place for my thoughts, wishes, hopes, dreams, grievances, celebrations and more.

Let's start by remembering Garmo! Garmo was a beautiful orange and white kitty. His coat would grow real long after I had it trimmed in a lion cut. When his hair was long, the coloring on his back legs was just right that it looked like he was wearing pants! I have a fond memory of him when he was a kitten; we were playing and he got so thrilled to be chasing this string that he ran so fast and did an accidental somersault. He was a very sweet cat. He used to bury his head in blankets or against my skin while he dozed. I miss Garmo a lot! He recently passed away, but thankfully he is no longer in any pain.